Love, such an intense feeling of passion, intimacy, connection and commitment. I don’t even know how to explain it, but when you’ll feel it for the first time, you’ll know. It’s like nothing else… It’s so hard to control, it’s like you’re always completely naked in front of your significant other. Not naked in the sense of no clothes, naked in the sense of feeling completely vulnerable.
It’s the days when you’re working late and he asks you if you want anything to eat, it’s the moments when you wake up in the morning and he tells you how beautiful you are, it’s the days when he’s sad and you’re there to comfort him, it’s the days when you’re feeling like you don’t belong and he instantly makes you feel like you’re his whole world, and it’s so much more.
But, there are always going to be ups and downs. I have never seen a ‘perfect’ couple, or a ‘perfect’ relationship. It’s a lie, it doesn’t exist. And if it does, are they invested in it this deep? I don’t think so. It’s the law of yin and yang, there can’t be light without darkness. Everything needs balance.
The days when we end up having a disagreement, actually when we end up fighting, are the days I feel worse. These are the days I question myself, am I good enough, does he deserve this, do my own traumas resurface and affect the way I handle the situation.
In fights, I have learned that screaming and shouting are not the way, even when you’re deeply hurt. The message you’re trying to pass on to the other person, will lose its significance. And you’re going back to square one. That’s why I mostly try having a calmer approach, but in some moments I can’t control the way things spurt out of my mouth. It’s either a calm approach and a good outcome, or a verbally aggressive approach and one of us ends up leaving the conversation. Usually, when he’s the one in the wrong and starts screaming at me, I am likely to use this as my defense mechanism because I feel like I am not being heard, and actually this goes vice-versa, he does the same.
Is this the best approach? Probably not, we both need to work on it. Perhaps it’s from the experiences we had in the past or in our childhood that make us react the way we do. But, the important thing is when we calm ourselves down, the communication doesn’t stop. We discuss everything that needs to be discussed and we find a solution to our problem.
That’s what relationships are, compromising and coming to terms with your significant other. Accept him with both of his sides, the flawed one and the perfect one. If you love someone, you’re going to do anything in your power to stick together.